Crazy/Insanity, not beautiful, insanity!!!!
by CloudTrueSoldier
Summary: If you like insane, crazy, stupid, etc, etc, kinds of humor, you'll probably like this.


Disclaimer: Characters belong to Squaresoft, Cocoa Puffs belong to…Cocoa puffs….  
  
insanity  
  
Cloud sat there on his bed, playing his Game boy, which apparently had a Final Fantasy Cart in it. Tifa was sitting near by, taking pictures of his underwear.  
  
Cloud: I'm not in this game….this sucks.  
  
Tifa: Really? dazed voice  
  
Cloud: Well, it does have swords. I like swords.  
  
Tifa: Uh huh…  
  
Barret suddenly bursts through the door, laughing extremely hard.  
  
Barret: OH! MAN! That was the best joke ever!!!  
  
Cloud looks up, and some weird noise emanates from his game boy.  
  
Cloud: Damn! I died again.  
  
Tifa: That's the 349th time!  
  
Cloud: Really, you've been counting?  
  
Tifa: You've died every time I've taken a picture, and I've been counting those. Snickers  
  
Barret: So anyway, this, he's not real bright…but well, he ends up in the gutters, and uhh…well, he has a kid with a sea lion…no no, that's not quite right. Well, his kids bring him a sea otter…Um….he's swimming in the sewers?  
  
At this time Barret has confused him self so completely he walks into the bathroom and begins to take a bath, with bubbles, and rubber ducky.  
  
Tifa runs to the bathroom and begins taking pictures of Barret.  
  
Cloud grumbles to himself as he chucks the game boy against the door, which just so happens to open and Cid pops through, just in time to receive a game boy to the head.  
  
Cid: OW! MOTHER @$%#@ PIECE OF $^#@$ I'M GONNA KILL THE $^#$5#$-  
  
Cloud zoned him out as he got off the bed and jumped into the bath with Barret.  
  
Tifa turned very red, yelled something at the two of them and stormed out, taking the camera and some 100 rolls of film with her.  
  
Cid still yelling and cursing was suddenly knocked to the ground by this Random Man, who made his way in through a self-made hole in the roof.  
  
Cid began swearing more profusely, as well as turning red due to their position, but Random Man promptly got off.  
  
Random Man: Drink more Cocoa Puffs kids! And stay away from harmful substances, such as working, and school, and working on school work.  
  
Random Man then jumped in the tub as well, which had by now lost enough water to flood Cloud's house, which it wasn't. It was actually some weird lady's house.  
  
But she was in the kitchen frying Cocoa Puffs.  
  
Sephiroth suddenly entered the bathroom, wearing a towl around his waist, and carrying a shower brush.  
  
He was also wearing a shower cap.  
  
The three in the tub all jumped out and began laughing at Sephiroth.  
  
Sephiroth: Shut up guys…dying had some nasty side-effects….  
  
Cloud put on his usual outfits, as did the rest after drying off, which Cloud forgot to do, and continued laughing at Sephiroth.  
  
Sephiroth: I'm gonna go do what all evil people do!  
  
Cloud: And what's that?! Poop your pants!!!  
  
Barret and Random Man stopped laughing.  
  
Barret: Uh…that wasn't so funny.  
  
Cloud: I like mow mix.  
  
Random Man: Wasn't that my line?  
  
Cloud: No, its right here in the script!  
  
Random Man: Looky here, it says RANDOM MAN, in all caps, and then the line. Do you know what this means?  
  
Cloud: Yea.  
  
Random Man: What?  
  
Cloud: You're a dumb ass.  
  
Random Man: …  
  
Cloud: Anyway, Sephywoth, is it ok if I call you sephywoth?  
  
Sephiroth: No.  
  
Cloud: Sephy poo?  
  
Sephiroth: NO!  
  
Cloud: Sephy wephy?  
  
Sephiroth: SHUT UP!  
  
Cloud: Sephymeffybobeffyfeefifobeffy…sephy?  
  
Sephiroth: Yea, that sounds good.  
  
Random Man: Shard of Glass in your toes hurt like a truck driver running you over and then putting it into reverse and running you over again! HA! I got my line in.  
  
Cloud: Duh, its you're line, it says right in the script, in ALL CAPS…jeesh, people are so dumb.  
  
Barret who has already confused himself, just by trying to remember what he was doing earlier, is walking repeatedly into the wall.  
  
Tifa comes back in and begins pasting the pictures she just had developed all over the house.  
  
Weird lady: Thanks, I needed new wall paper.  
  
Tifa: No problem.  
  
Aeris walks through the door, and is talking with someone behind her. Tifa turns to see who it is, but end up smacking Aeris with her boobs, and sends her flying through the wall.  
  
Aeris' new boyfriend walks in, looks at the hole in the wall, back to Tifa, then begins humping Tifa's leg.  
  
Aeris walks back in, kicks her boyfriend in the head, and then slaps Tifa.  
  
But as Tifa recovers from the slap, to bitch slap Aeris, she ends up Bitch boobin her, and sends her flying yet again.  
  
Cloud walks in, sees the two new holes in the wall and begins counting.  
  
Red walks in and looks around.  
  
Red: When did Weird Lady's house become a meeting place?  
  
Sephiroth: Well…like all good evil people I had to have a hide out, and this was it.  
  
Yuffie mysteriously pops out from under the bed.  
  
Yuffie: To zip, or not to zip?! That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to let ones pants stay unzipped while letting all the guys drool and oogle at one's heart covered panties!  
  
Sephiroth drooling Uh…not to zip! Not to zip!!!  
  
Yuffie: Sephiroth, why are you naked?  
  
Sephiroth: I'm not….D'OH! I new this was just like my dream!!!  
  
Sephiroth promptly runs away crying.  
  
Barret who has knocked himself out by now, is revived by the psychic link he has with Yuffie's zipper.  
  
Barret then begins drooling.  
  
Cloud: Holy crap! That makes 123 holes in the wall!  
  
Everyone begins clapping.  
  
Tifa bows a couple times, but has trouble getting very low, because her boobs hit the ground first.  
  
Everyone claps louder.  
  
Tifa stands up, slightly embarrassed, and Aeris walks back through the door.  
  
Blood streaks her face, and her hair is tangled, and her clothes are torn and raggedy.  
  
Aeris: BITCH!  
  
Tifa: Shut up SLUT!  
  
Barret who is momentarily distracted from the spectacle that is Yuffie's panties, begins to chant "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry."  
  
The rest join in as well, and Sephiroth returns to chant too.  
  
Red accidentally light Aeris' dress on fire.  
  
He chuckles slightly to himself and then goes back to reading his book, which has a porno magazine stuck in the pages.  
  
Aeris runs around screaming for her life, and Cloud fumbles around for a material to save her.  
  
"Water!" He yells.  
  
Suddenly an Ultima wave engulfs Aeris and more loud shrieks are heard.  
  
Cloud looks down at the material in his hand, and pulls some more out of his pocket.  
  
They're all green.  
  
Cloud: Wha?! How the hell am I supposed to tell the difference.  
  
Cid: Der! It's easy! he grabs a material and casts the spell it contains on Aeris  
  
Fire3 suddenly erupts upon the poor woman.  
  
Tifa feels a pang of sympathy and reaches down to help up the poor, charred, toasted, fried, and near dead Aeris.  
  
Instead she squishes her with her boobs.  
  
Cloud coughs slightly  
  
Barret's eye begins to twitch  
  
And Red chuckles some more.  
  
Suddenly an ambulance pulls up and grab Aeris, throw her in the back and drive off.  
  
Cloud: Well…that was different.  
  
Sephiroth: I thought she was dead like me.  
  
Cloud: Exactly.  
  
Sephiroth: Huh?  
  
Cloud: She's dead like you!  
  
Cid: OH! I get it!  
  
Sephiroth: I'm still lost…  
  
Barret now has his face directly in front of Yuffies…erm, well, you probably know.  
  
Yuffie has turned very still, and remains completely motionless.  
  
Yuffie: Uh, guys…help?  
  
Sephiroth: I remember, I killed her….  
  
Cloud: Right, and I killed you. And now you're standing right in front of me, so she's dead just like you!  
  
Sephiroth: Oh!! I see now! *turns around and looks up at the ceiling with a confused and dazed look on his face.  
  
Sephiroth: If only I had a ham and cheese sandwich.  
  
Cloud: Hey Yuffie, if you gave me all you're material I'll save you!  
  
Yuffie: WHATWHATWHAT?!?!  
  
Cloud: Just a suggestion…  
  
Yuffie: You're insane.  
  
The camera then pans down and we see Barret's hands rise up.  
  
He quickly yanks Yuffie's pants down.  
  
Yuffie squeals, and everyone decides its out of delight.  
  
Cloud runs to the house next door, comes back and begins filming with a video camera.  
  
Cid: Where'd ya get that?  
  
Cloud: Oh, the guys next door where using it to film their baby's first steps or something…  
  
Cid: The gay guys?!  
  
Cloud: Yea, they adopted.  
  
Cid: How old's the kid?  
  
Cloud: 24…25….I forget….  
  
Cid: Wait, you just took it from them…?  
  
Cloud: What else was I supposed to do? Ask nicely?  
  
Cid: Well…they are gay…  
  
Cloud continues filming the action, which I can't go into detail about unless I put an NC-17 label on this story.  
  
Tifa: Those are pretty tiny….  
  
Cloud drooling :Yea, tiny…sure…  
  
noises are heard  
  
Sephiroth is seen in the corner with his pants down.  
  
Sephiroth: I uh…well…the doctor said I had to every hour!  
  
Cloud …  
  
Cid …  
  
Random Man: Bra  
  
Suddenly Yuffie's bra is thrown over Random Man's head.  
  
Sephiroth grabs the bra and runs away.  
  
Cloud returns to video tapping the Barret/Yuffie scene, which now involves spoons, cable wiring, and a telephone.  
  
Tifa left the room as well, and came back 15 minutes later with a breast reduction.  
  
Cloud: HOLY CRAP! YOU'RE BOOBS ARE NORMAL ALMOST!  
  
Tifa: Yea…I know, it's the trendy thing to do nowadays.  
  
Aeris walks in the room, obviously having gotten breast implants.  
  
Cloud: Aeris' you're so not with it girlfriend!  
  
Cid whispering to Red: Did Cloud turn gay recently?  
  
Red: He's always been like this you moron.  
  
Cid: Oh yea…right.  
  
Sephiroth comes back, yet again, wearing a pink tutu, and Yuffie's bra.  
  
Sephiroth: I'm a pretty flower, I'm a pretty flower!  
  
  
  
To be continued!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Author's notes: I know, I know, this one is a real cliff hanger! What will happen next week? Will we see our hero's life saving from the perilous jaws of death, and will the evil madman be taken away to prison for attempting to destroy Batboy! Or will it all turn to disaster!!!  
  
…  
  
…  
  
STAY TUNED TILL NEXT WEEK!  
  
/insanity 


End file.
